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Hellbound

by X

on Rated Cowboys - X-Rated Cowboys (2005)

I'm lost i wonder where i should go,-i'm all alone-on this path unknown-
'n there's many before me but where should i go?-i don't know,-
Which road should i follow?-i wish someone would show-me the way i should go,-
Are there any signs?-i don't see any but i guess i'll just follow this path and see where it goes...
This world is takin' its toll on my heart-it's so cold and so dark i wish someone would come save me,-
I think i'm goin' crazy...i'm lost waiting to be found,-i search all over the ground,-
There's no exit around,-i can't escape, i'm hellbound,-
I'm fuckin' hellbound,-i've been depressed 'cause noone picked me up when i fell down,-
I guess I'm hellbound,-but look...
I think god made a mistake when he had made me,-
Now i'm mad crazy,-
But perhaps i wouldn't be this way if he had raised me-
But instead i was forced to teach myself 'n learn in this godforsaken environment which supposedly my dad placed me,-
In a bad way see-...
I was a normal middle class kid lookin' up to the high class in invy,- (invy - envy)
I never thought i was special honestly practically anyone coulda ended up like my ass 'n been me,-
A typical creature influenced by'''their society'''s envirements,- (envirements - environments)
In my case i was surrounded by proclaimed bad influences affected by its depravity 'n self righteous ignorantly determined morals 'n preconceptions of'''fair propriety 'n violence,-
So i'm real in'dif'fer'ent,-
From most people so i'm always feelin' divergent,-
'CAUSE WHEN I WAS BORN INTO THIS HELLBOUND ENVIRONMENT I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A CHOICE,-
ALWAYS TOLD WHAT TO DO BUT NOONE LISTENED TO ME IT WAS LIKE I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A VOICE,-
I've always felt like there was'''no recourse fuh me,- (fuh - for)
And inside it hurts me deep but i still refuse to'''show reemorse uh be- (uh - or, refuse to -refused to)
Weak 'n pitiful so instead i start to regret everything that i do,-
I break down 'n pray to god hopin' i die while i cry too,-
Beggin' to be understood lookin' for people that see through''the hate 'n my view,- ('n my view - in my view)
Someone like family i could relate 'n cry too,-
BUT SEE AS A KID I WAS ALWAYS UPSET INHALIN' SECOND HAND SMOKE FROM MUM MOTHER'S CIGARETTES- (MUM - MY)
BUT I HADN'T KNOWN THAT IN THE FUTURE I'D HAVE TO DEAL WITH SOME OTHER BIGGER THREATS,-
SEE MY CHILDHOOD WAS DECENT SO IT SEEMED LIKE I'''WAS NOT CURSE,- (CURSED)
BUT AS TIME WENT ON 'N I GREW UP MY LIFE'''JUST GOT WORSE,-
Even when i believed in god i used to think that life just wasn't fair,-
'n i still do but now i've determined that god just doesn't care,-
See to me god is like the fuckin' air,-
People say it exists but i see nothin' there,-
And YOU CALL ME CRAZY 'CAUSE I DON'T SEE WHAT YOU SEE OR BELIEVE IN A GOD,-
BUT I GUESS THAT MAKES YOU JUST AS CRAZY AS ME BUT SEE HE FOOLED ME 'N LET ME DOWN THAT'S WHY I'M NOT VULNERABLE TO THAT MANIPULATIVE DECEIVIN' FACADE,-
'CAUSE THEY SAY THA SEEIN'-IS BELIEVIN',-BUT I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IN-ALL THE SHIT THAT I'M SEEIN'-
'CAUSE I KNOW THAT LOOKS CAN BE DECEIVIN',-
PEOPLE TRY TO PERSUADE ME CLAIMIN' THEY'RE THE TRUTH BUT I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE IN,-
WHAT'S MY PURPOSE IN BEIN' HERE AT THIS TIME 'N PLACE 'N WHAT'S THE REASON?-
What's the point of earth?-what's the reason for my birth?-what are all my sacrifices worth?-
I really don't get it,-and your favorite male rapper might feel the same way but still he won't spit it,- /don't get it...rappers out there may feel same but won't spit it/
That's why i'm one of the most realest,-each song of mine still is-the illest-that's why the realest feel us,-
Trapped in a jungle full of gorillas,-
There are all types of people and y'all think i'm one of the nicest kind,-
But i ain't in a righteous mind,-
'n i'm tired of pretendin' my life is fine,-
'cause right now i'm contemplatin' whether where i should call a crisis line,-
I keep prayin' to god for hope but i don't see the slightest sign,-
I search the streets for one but i can't find any it's like my sight is blind,-
I'm all alone,-goin' down this road of life on my own,-
With no other path to follow lost forgotten and unknown-
I wonder when i die where am i gonna go?-
Actually on second thought i don't wanna know,-'cause
*CHORUS*
I've had enough, i'm done, i can't take anymore,-
God i've tried my best to be faithful but what did you forsaken me for?...
I often wonder do you real'''ly care for meeeee?
If I stop prayin' now will you still be there for me,-
I'm goin' crazy without you but i don't need some silly therapy,-
I'm losin' my faith please prove that ya love me,-
If there's a higher place called heaven please prove you're watchin' from above me,-
I'll devote myself to you but i'm only a human see,-
I'll love you but i refuse to let you ruin me,-
'CAUSE I'M NOT YOUR FUCKIN' TOY YOU CAN PLAY WIT'''LIKE MY LIFE'S A GAME I WON'T LET YOU PLAY ME,-
I KEEP CALLIN' YOU BUT YOU WON'T SAY SHIT'''YOU'RE MAKIN' ME LOOK CRAZY,-
LIKE WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TAKIN' ME FOR?
I'M HURTIN' FOR YOU I AIN'T EVER FELT THIS ACHIN' BEEFORE,-
IT'S MAKIN' ME SORE,-I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE,-
GOD PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU FORSAKEN ME FOR?-
I'M GOIN' INSANE I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE IT'S LIKE I CAN'T EVEN TELL WHAT'S REAL OR FAKE ANYMORE,-
What about these children that are raised without proper guidance?-
Because their ignorant parents weren't prepared 'n so they're born into ghetto environments,-
Subjected to criminal activity manipulation 'n violence,-
They need you like i do but you still havn't broken your silence,-
Atleast there's more information to believe in science-
Than there is to believe in you tyrants,-
TO YOU I ACTUALLY WAS COMMITED BUT I'M NO LONGER'''STILL DEE VOTED,- (DEE VOTED - DEVOTED)
Shit I EVEN READ THE BIBLE AND BELIEVED THAT YOU REALLY WROTE IT,-
I BELIEVED IN THE RIGHTOUS MORALS AND LOVE WHICH YOU INSTILL,-
I USED TO THINK YOU WERE TRUE 'N REAL,-
SO I'D PRAY TO YOU WAITIN' FOR A RESPONSE 'CAUSE THERE'S A PAIN INSIDE ME ONLY YOU CAN HEAL,-
I'M ONLY HUMAN'''STILL,-I TRY TO MAKE THE BEST OF THIS SITUATION BUT'''I'M TOO SICK,-
'N I AIN'T GETTIN' ANY BETTER JUST SITTIN' IN MY ROOM ALONE LISTENIN' TO'''MY MUSIC,- (MIME MUSIC, I'M TOO SICK)
SEE I KEEP PRAYIN' TO GOD FOR HELP 'N ANSWERS BUT HE DOESN'T ANSWER ME THOUGH I KEEP WAITIN' UNTIL'''THEY RESPOND 'N WONDER WHY,-
'CAUSE I'M LOSIN' MY FAITH IN 'EM MAN ALL I FUCKIN' WANTED FROM 'EM WAS THE'''GREATEST BOND 'N ONE REPLY,-
SEE YOU REMIND ME OF MY'''REAL THIEVIN' FATHER,-
WHO STOLE MY CHILDHOOD BUT NEVER TOOK RESPONSIBILITY OR HAD EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE BUT I KEEP PRAYIN' HE'LL SHOW UP THOUGH I DON'T KNOW WHY I'''STILL EVEN BOTHER,-
...'CAUSE AT THIS POINT I DON'T KNOW WHAT SOMEONE LIKE ME EXPECTS TO HAPPEN,-
I USED TO PUT YOU BEFORE EVERYTHING BUT NOW I JUST PUT SEX NEXT TO RAPPIN',-
...I'VE SUCCUMBED TO FILTHY PLEASURE,-'N TEMPTATIONS JUST FROM THE GUILTY PRESSURE,-
I'VE BEEN LEAD BY A FALSE PREACHIN' PROPHET,-
WHOSE ONLY INTENTIONS ARE TO MANIPULATE MY ACTIONS 'N MY BRAIN SO THEY BENEFIT 'N GAIN LARGE HAULS LEECHIN' OFF IT,- (ACTION'S'O, BENEFIT LEECHIN' OFF IT)
While i feel like a scared chicken whose only purpose in life is to be killed 'n'''be sent to the slaughter,-
'n the same probably applies to my sister who was born with severe deficiencies you must have'''resented ya daughter,-
And for a while i've been wonderin' if you really care for me,-
When i needed help the most 'n even now you aren't there for me,-
People are thinkin' I'm crazy 'n suggestin' therapy,-
All my thoughts are manifestations of heresy,-
Why am I sufferin' so much while other people are livin' merrily,-
Do you have no mercy to give 'n spare for me?-
How come churches help other people but i don't get ain't gettin' charity,-
People tell me my life is precious 'n i should savor 'n treasure it,-
But everytime i'd try to enjoy it they'd condemn me for the way i did sayin' my faith would waver 'n pleasure it,-
'n to me i feel like i have no reason to keep celebratin' my birth ON earth which was one of my worse days,-
Especially since i don't understand why i was born on earth in the first place,-
Couldn't i have been raised properly or'''born in the higher heaven too?-
'cause the way i see it my only purpose on earth is to watch'''porn 'n acquire revenue,-
I just wanted to live peacefully in my environment and enjoy life but i didn't have a'''clue 'n never knew,-
That there would be so many obstacles which i'd have'''too endeavor through,- (too - to)
I'M ONLY'''A HUMAN BUT STILL-
I THOUGHT YOU WOULD HELP ME BUT I GUESS I WAS JUST'''ASSUMIN' WHAT'S REAL,-
LIKE OTHER PEOPLE BELIEVIN' THEY KNEW SHIT,-
BUT I WAS JUST LOOKIN' AT SHIT THE WAY IT SEEMED TO ME MOST OTHER PEOPLE PERCEIVED 'N THEY VUEWED IT,- (VUEW -VIEW)
JUST LIKE THEY WERE INFLUENCED BY SOCIETY 'N TAUGHT HOW TO DO IT,-
But don't get me wrong i truly want to believe 'n have a place reserved for me at the'''top in heaven,-
I don't wanna feel compelled to write a song like the ill mind of'''hopsin seven,-
But i feel like this is somethin' i must do,-
I've lost almost all my faith in you but you can redeem yourself to me by respondin' to this for my sake 'n THEN maybe i'll trust you,-
So if you really care then scrutinize these words that i'm rappin' to you,-
'cause truly i feel like i'm a godforsaken animal trapped in a zoo,-
I'm always on edge 'n it feels like at any moment i could snap into two,-
'n you can judge me but you don't know me if you don't understand what i've experienced if it ain't happened to you,-
'cause like i said i feel like a godforsaken animal born in a slaughterhouse just livin' to die,-
I want to enjoy my life 'n do good for the world but i ain't even given a try,-
I'm confused 'n beginnin' to think almost everything i've heard is a lie,-
I'm trapped in this livin' hell wonderin' if in life is my only purpose to die,-
These religions when they speak to you every word is to try,-
To manipulate your influences 'n scold you-
So you do what you're told to,-
It's like they've controlled you,-
They cajoled you,-they consoled you,-
It's like you got the mind of a three year old too,-
It's like almost everything you've heard is a lie,-
They make you believe it's your only purpose to die,-after you service a guy,-
'n go to a better place in paradise,-but anyone with a pair of eyes-
Can see for themselves if their precise-through their disguise-
'n their device-to manipulate the world 'n that there is no paradise,- (their - they're)
But these fools that believe in a god are scared of lies,-
'n they're paralyzed-'cause just the mention of god terrifies,-'n continues to terrorize,-
So i'm wonderin' if i should worship or beware of christ,-
And their leaders keep enforcin' traditional religious values which they won't dare revise,-
But i ain't fallin' for this'''true paradise shit,-
If the bible was truly written by god then show me the creature'''who verifies it,-
So see i try to remain faithful but i'm so confused and'''hopeless i require a sign,-
I refuse to believe in a'''sophist whose desires' malign,-
I refuse to follow or to'''try 'n believe in the cults,-
Lead by evil deceitful people 'n'''lyin' deceivin' adults-
Also known as sophists,-their primary objective is to manipulate you for their cause 'n i know this,-
That's why they're so pissed,-
At me but that's it! I don't care anymore 'cause!
*chorus, singsong voice*
I've had enough, i'm done, i can't take anymore,-
God i've tried my best to be faithful but what did you forsaken me for?...
Do you''''real'''ly care for meeeee?
If I stop prayin' now will you''''still be there for me,-
I'm goin' crazy without you but i don't need some silly therapy,-
I pray to you lord,-i need your support,-
I ain't spittin' this rap just for an award,-
Please tell me is i who you have always abhorred,-
I havn't seen any signs in my life that prove that it is i who you've adored,-
All these other rappers glorifyin' sinful activities yet they have things i've never been able to afford
I just wanted to live a happy life with a happy family,-
I never really needed this crappy damn money,-
But now i can barely afford to survive this isn't how it was supposed to be,-
And i've lost almost everybody who's been close to me,-
I've become awkward socially,-this isn't what i wanted but this is who i chose to be,-
I wonder if this world is god's wish of the bible or if this is just how man applied it,-
Is it true that god manipulates or controls our fates 'n we can't decide it?-
'cause at this point i'm so confused questioning everything i just want the right answer but it seems'''a human can't provide it,-
I really wanna go to this happy place called heaven but i wonder if it's anything like how i'''assume 'n fantasize it,-
'cause i know they provide an object like the bible 'n incentives to manipulate how will'''a human analyze it,-
'n it seems like bullshit to me but i admit it seems so'''true 'n can't deny it,- (was above)and at this point i'm so confused questioning everything i just want the right answer but it seems'''a human can't provide it,-
No matter how much i dispute it even though i think it's'''shrewd 'n despise it,- (was below ^) i looked at the bible 'n chose to read'''through 'n analyse it,-
But it seems to me like people keep tryin' to cover up'''the truth 'n disguise it,-
I imagine life in this world 'n it seems reasonable to believe an omnipotent bein designed it,-
'n honestly i wanna believe but god where's a sign shit,-how long is it gonna take me even to find it,-
Is heaven really the way the people have defined it?-
I'm startin' to see through the big lie 'n the ulterior motives behind it,-
So don't expect me to be simple minded-i cultivated the knowledge in my brain 'n refined it,-
It's too late to rewind it,-
But still i keep wonderin' if there's an existence that might'''be greater 'n higher than my bein',-
I keep callin' out to this world's supposed'''creator inquirin' why we can,-
Only speculate about rumors 'cause in the end that's all there'''really is to it,-
Yet'''still we dispute it,-
Is it all really just political?-
Are these words literal?-
I feel like i've been brainwashed 'n now i'm lost lookin' for my savior 'n it's pitiful
I just want your all knowing suggestion,-i keep pilin' question-upon question-
I wanna ask you 'n i really want an answer to 'em so i just keep guessin',-
I'm too paranoid to assume i know somethin' but i wonder really who knows?-
How many times people must ask you this shit man i bet it's silly do those-
Questions bother you? i wonder, are you my friend or if we're enemies at the end of this song will we still be true foes?-
All i wanted you to do was help me live a happy life 'n provide help for me,-
But it seems all you do for me is ignore me,-i'm startin' to think you abhor me,-
I'm not tryin' to be corny-i'm just speakin' my mind,-
And besides that there's really not much left for me tis say,- (tis - to)
Except i regret this situation and wish things didn't have to be this way,-
My physical and mental state's deterioratin' rapidly,-
I look at life 'n wonder is this really how it had to be,-
Such a tragedy,-but it isn't my fault god please don't be mad at me,-
....i'm sorry, oh i'm so sorry, i let you down. Miranda I let you down. Mother I let you down
My entire family i let you down...i let myself down....i'm fuckin' hellbound,*echo hellbound 3 times*