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(Now) I Know (Where I'm Going) Our Kid

by The Shirehorses

on The Worst Album in the World... Ever... EVER! (1997), Britpop 90s (2020)

b>Mark:
I'm a rock 'n' rollin' man in a crappy little van
And I'm dead excited, me
We're doin' our first gig in The Porcupine and Pig
Got to be in Inverness by three
Lard's at the wheel, had a Happy Eater meal
Both: Rock 'n' roll!
Mark:
I've got a pair of leather kecks and a pair of tinted specs
And an electronic guitar
Started out at two and we're just approaching Crewe
We haven't got very far
His eyesight's crap and he hasn't got a map
Just take me home

Lard:
No!
Now I know where I'm going, our kid
Just sit back, enjoy the ride
Mark: Well, you'd better get it right or I'll beat you senseless

spoken:
Lard: ???? right. I'll just take the next right
Mark:
Well, just get me there, I'm dead excited about this gig
You know I am
You always spoil things for me
Lard: Sorry

Mark:
Many miles on the clock and I'm ready to rock!
How's it looking, Lard?
Lard:
We're on the A37, and we're fast approaching Devon
Shall we stop off for a jar?
Mark:
God, I wish I'd never met this lardy feckless get
Just take me home

Lard:
No!
Now I know where I'm going, our kid
Just sit back, enjoy the ride
Mark:
Please get it right 'cause I'm losing my senses

spoken:
Lard: Look, er, Torquay, right? I'll take the next left
Mark:
I'm goin' to practice my singing, right?
The Quantocks, is that near Inverness?
Lard: Yeah

Both:
Holly, Dick, Nu, and a shovel full of poo
I work on the land, dum dum dee dum

spoken:
Mark: Right, where are we... where are we up to? Budleigh Salterton?!
Lard: Yeah, that's just outside Scotland
Mark: It's absolutely nowhere near it. Just, just turn the van round and get me back
Lard: Look here, Bideford, 4 miles. Bideford, it's just outside Glasgow.
Mark: It is nowhere near it. The wrong end of the country!