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Why Are We Here?

by Red Vs Blue

EXT. Red Base

The camera pans up and we see GRIF and SIMMONS standing atop Red Base

SIMMONS: Hey.

GRIF: Yeah?

SIMMONS: You ever wonder why we're here?

GRIF: It's one of life's great mysteries isn't it? Why ARE we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God? Watching everything. Y'know, with a plan for us and stuff? I dunno, man. But it keeps me up at night.

The two stare at each other for a couple seconds.

SIMMONS: What? I meant, why are we out here, in this canyon?

GRIF: Oh, uh... yeah.

SIMMONS: What was all that stuff about God?

GRIF: Uh... hmm. Nothing.

SIMMONS: You wanna talk about it?

GRIF: No.

SIMMONS: You sure?

GRIF: Yeah.

SIMMONS: Seriously though, why are we out here? As far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere, with no way in or out.

GRIF: Mm-hmm.

SIMMONS: The only reason that we set up a Red base here is because they have a Blue base over there. And the only reason they have a Blue base over there is because we have a Red base here.

GRIF: Yeah, that's because we're fighting each other.

SIMMONS: No, no, I mean, even if we were to pull out today, and they were to come take our base, they would have TWO bases in the middle of a box canyon. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo.

GRIF: What's up with that anyway? I mean, I signed up to fight some aliens. Next thing I know, Master Chief blows up the whole Covenant armada, and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, fighting a bunch of blue guys.

EXT. The Cliff

TUCKER and CHURCH on a cliff, with CHURCH holding a sniper rifle, looking at GRIF and SIMMONS.

TUCKER: What are they doing?

CHURCH: What?

TUCKER: I said, what are they doing now?

CHURCH: Goddamn, I'm getting so sick of answering that question!

TUCKER: You have the fucking rifle, I can't see shit! Don't bitch at me because I'm not going to just sit up here and play with my dick.

CHURCH: Okay, okay, look. They're just standing there and talking, okay? That's all they're doing. That's all they EVER do, is just stand there and talk. That's what they were doing last week. That's what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago. So five minutes from now, when you ask me, "What are they doing?", my answer's gonna be, "They're still just talking, and they're still just standing there."

Silence for a couple moments, then TUCKER turns to CHURCH.

TUCKER: What are they talking about?

CHURCH: You know what? I fucking hate you.

EXT. Red Base

GRIF: Talk about a waste of resources. I mean, we should be out there finding new and intelligent forms of life. Y'know, fight them.
SIMMONS: Yeah, no shit. That's why they should put us in charge.

SARGE comes into frame below them

SARGE: Ladies! Front and center on the double!

SIMMONS: Fuck!

GRIF: Yes, sir!