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An Ordinary Guy

by Matthew Ebel

on Songs from the Vault, vol. 2 (2010)

So here's a glimpse of my perception
I think you're way above my station
But I can't shake my intention
To make a shameless proposition
But if I try to take some action
I just might meet your satisfaction
Which could lead to some affection
Which might lead to an erection

Of some new substantial section
Of my segmented attention
So I feel that I should mention
I'm 'bout due for some expansion
So I'll try to find some passion
But my software keeps on crashin'
I lock up fast and then I'm
Staring at your ass

And I'm Just an ordinary guy
I pay my bills on time
I take my pills with wine
I'm just an ordinary guy

I recycle all my trash
I got my secret stash
Of pornos, grass, and cash
I'm just an ordinary guy

I see you in the corner texting
I hope my words don't come out vexing
This may sound a bit perplexing:
The way you hold that phone is sexy
I might have overstepped my boundary
But I swear, you'll be glad you found me
I sound astounded 'cause you seem chic
And yet you might just be my dream geek

So, how 'bout this, we meet at your place
'Cause mine's running out of floorspace
My Roomba seems to have been misplaced
And now it's uglier than Myspace
In my apartment, but that's alright
We could just stay up 'til daylight
We'll grab a bite
And then I'll twitter you all night

'Cause I'm just an ordinary guy
I love my cat and dog
I love it when I'm flogged
I'm just an ordinary guy

I watch football with my friends
I got church I don't attend
I steal the restaurant's pen
I'm just an ordinary guy

I'm just an ordinary guy
I catch the morning train
I curse to ease the pain
I'm just an ordinary guy

I watch Dancing With the Stars
I hate going to bars
And I own an ugly car
I'm just an ordinary guy

I always sucked at math
I hate The Grapes of Wrath
I'm not a psychopath
I'm just an ordinary guy

I get sick when I fly
I won't admit I cry
And I'll love you 'til I die
I'm just an ordinary guy