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You're A Bastard

by Mark Lemhouse

on The Great American Yard Sale (2009)

Standin' at the jukebox drinkin' a mojito,
my libido bean burrito,
I hate this bar but I love the alcohol.
Bartender says I had to much.
Yaknow that pissed me off a touch.
I said "Buddy, you dont know me at all."

And you're a bastard,
can't you see?
You keep buggin' me,
you're really gettin' on my nerves.
These old blues they got to go
no one likes you don't you know
I'm no saint but I think your a bastard.

This guy cuts ahead of the checkout line
guess he really needs that box of wine
it's nine am but he's already blastard
so I leaned over and hit the intercom
I said, "Ground Control to Major Tom,
attention shoppers! You're all a bunch of bastards."

You're a bastard,
can't you see?
You keep buggin' me,
you're really gettin' on my nerves.
These old blues they got to go
no one likes you don't you know
I'm no saint but I think your a bastard.

Got a bill collector on the phone
I'm watchin the game man leave me alone.
I try and cut him off but he keep talking....
faster.
Told you twenty times the check's in the mail
you gotta believe me I remember it well
'cause when I signed the thing I made it out to bastard.

You're a bastard,
can't you see?
You keep buggin' me,
you're really gettin' on my nerves.
These old blues they got to go
no one likes you don't you know
I'm no saint but I think your a bastard.

Soccer mom in an SUV
talkin' on the phone she don't see me.
I'm on my way to meet my master.
North bound truck in a south bound lane
cut through my body like an old freight train.
Dead in my tracks, and you're a bastard.

Bastard,
can't you see?
You keep buggin' me,
you're really gettin' on my nerves.
These old blues they got to go
rollin' over in Kokomo
I'm no saint but I think your a...
bastard.

You win the spelling bee
B-A-S-T-A-R-D
you're really gettin' on my nerves.
Bastard one hundred percent
you might as well for president
the votes are in looks like you win for bastard.
Now everybody knows that you're a bastard.
No matter where you go... your a bastard.