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Seminal Fluid

by MC Tanuki

on Seminal Fluid (October Event) (2006)

I bust out like seminal fluid
And I shape-shift shit like a D&D druid
Or maybe magic-user level 15 spells
I can open up a portal to the plane of Hell
And I'll call upon the spirits of an ancient time
Have ya pickled like an egg in the bar-brewed brine
When I bring out Cacodemons and the lord Asmodeus
And the rest are ready, willing, but my rhyme's erroneous

'cause this ain't no pen and paper RPG we be playin'
This a Live-Action LARP where the wounds be stayin'
If you take a boffer arrow straight into your chest
And you won't heal back from a minute of rest

It's October Event, and those ain't no trick-or-treaters
They be level 27 free-floating non-repeaters
They got claws, suck blood, and have a paralyzin' kiss
And I can't escape town because I'm blocked in by the mist
And the Orcs are bloodthirsty, they be out there stabbin'
And there's a family of zombies bunking down in my cabin
And I was willin' to fight, but then my sword got shattered
Now all I got is an explosive and a cheap throwing dagger

Things are lookin' down, like a dirt elf cavern
And I know I'd be safe if I could make it to the tavern
But there's an undead army marchin' inbetween
I guess I shoulda known better than to LARP on Halloween

I had ten friends when I came into town
But then they all got eaten by an evil clown
And a necromancer raised 'em and they're out to get me
And I just wanna sleep but Plot Team won't let me
'cause they're sendin' out Illithids and a horde of Trolls
And I'm bein' haunted by a buncha restless souls
And a thousand year old Lich has it out for my kind
And a Vampire lord put a charm on my mind

And if I didn't have a tag for a garlic necklace
All my veins would be drained and then I'd be a helpless
Thrall to an ancient evil blood-sucking pansy
This year, my Halloween don't involve no candy

The god of the dead has arisen from the grave
And he'll give me a deal for my soul in a trade
He says he'll save me from the ten thousand goblins
Advancing on the town, and he'll stop the robbin'
Of my secret stash of arcane magic books
But I like my soul, so I shoot that bitch a look
And I tell him to fuck off, then I'm suddenly alone
On the big dark field, and I hear a moan

I'm surrounded by zombies, skeletons and wights
And soon my screams echo into the night
Please allow me to repeat as we exit this scene:
I shoulda known better than to LARP on Halloween