Song Search

Cerberus Song

by John Finnemore

on John Finnemore's Souvenir Programme (2013)

[Verse 1: John, Simon, & Lawry]
Our name is Cerberus
You might have heard of us
We don't want to boast but we are quite renowned
I guard the gates of hell
We guard those gates as well
For we are three heads of one infernal hound

[Interlude: Carrie & Margaret]
But when travelers reach Hades' portal
Be they hero, God or mortal
They run, or fight or stand there spellbound
But they never just hang out with the hellhound

[Verse 2: John, Simon, & Lawry]
Nobody brings Cerberus a biscuit
Or even three biscuits
Yeah one for each head
Nobody seems quite prepared to risk it
Which seems a bit weird
As they're already dead
Nobody takes Cerberus for walkies
We'd love some walkies please
We don't mind how quick
To all the underworld, we hold the doorkeys
But they'll be your keys, if you throw us a stick

[Interlude: Carrie & Margaret]
They slash or stab or try to choke him
They don't pat him, they don't stroke him
No not the tiniest amount
No one squeaks his squeaky toy
No one tells him he's a good boy
Or three good boys depending how you count

[Verse 3: John, Simon, & Lawry]
So somebody bring Cerberus a biscuit
Or even three biscuits
And walkies as well
Otherwise one day we might just quit it
Stop guarding Hades

[End: everyone]
And you can all go to hell

[Lawry]
Help yourself to hell