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Bodega

by Heavenly Beat

on John (2017)

imagine a life not
cowed by change

where I followed up years of
intent to refine

I had long hair
the length wasted
cause I can't account for the fear I feel
when I'm not at home

evasive
as a lifestyle failed

distant lights
frame a place
that we used to go

bodega lights
frame a face
that I used to know

watch me beg for answers
while ignoring closure

while every line on my face
spells out “she's no closer”

imagine a life not bound
by pain

where I owned up to feeling
left out and behind

I had short hair
a life wasted
and I can't account for the shame I feel
when I'm all alone

evasive
as a lifestyle failed

I used to be
a dancer
rolling on the floor
with abandon
I fell for religion
that way

hatred fills my heart with bile
choking off a path to redemption
I'll turn to face the world in time
and find a way to softly say “I'm not the same”