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Santa Claus

by Heather Anne Campbell

So Santa gives gifts to good boys and girls
How does he get all over the world?
Scientifically accurate Santa Claus

91 million children around
Santa has to travel 3,000 times the speed of sound
Or 1/1,000 second per house

300 thousand tons of toys or greater
The weight would create a meteor crater
2.4 miles all the way across

Also, Christmas time is pagan, a festival of gifts
Appropriated by Romans based on the Odin myth

HE'S THE GOD OF WAR AND DEATH!

Santa's trip on that Sleigh is real brief
Four million pounds of force turned him into ground beef
That's probably how he fits down chimneys

His reindeer burn up, shockwaves they emit
So is Santa quiet? No, that is bullshit!
You'd hear him explode from 50 miles away

Also, elves are not a real thing, those toys are made abroad
85% come from countries that ignore child labor laws

GET BACK TO WORK!

Celebrate with your friends, light up the tree
Merry Christmas from Fox ADHD
The Chinese eat reindeer dicks... for health!