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Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers

by Heather Anne Campbell

By chance, science, in case you failed or flunked
What we'll do is tell you 'bout accurate chipmunks
From lyme disease, lice, and plague
Hantavirus, parasitic egg

Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip and Dale's--

(Guys, I found a chipmunk.)

--Rescue Rangers
(Rabies bite, and sharp nails!)
Full of danger, though they seem cute, furry, and plain
They die when their teeth grow into their brain

Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip and Dale's
Rescue Rangers
Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip and Dale's

Here's what's stranger
They've got tunnels of shit inside their homes
Did you know chipmunks have dick bones?
(That's a bone inside of their dicks!)

Rescue Rangers
(Chipmunks make people sick!)
They kill people more than four in Yosemite alone
And don't forget they've got dick bones!

Scientifically accurate
Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip and... Dicks!