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365 Miles

by Dead Silent

on Chapter One: Containment Therapy (2018), Pulp (2017)

[Verse]
Close your eyes, picture life without it
You're so close but your heart is pounding
See it now? See the truth surrounds you
See the noose your words tie around you
I know you're here, the heavy doubts are near
Screaming in your ear to reawaken fear
So scared of the illusion, and using your tears
To drown all the demons you hear so unclearly
What you need temporary, resist it
Growing weary, the fix, how you miss it
Headaches wearing you down in the midst
It's internal civil war
Thoughts are vicious, persistent
Just a couple months ago it didn't exist
I bet you miss that, you sit back
Insist that I'm coming back for you
And I guess that would be true
If my life wasn't on the line to find you
I told myself that I would leave you alone
But I could never fathom all the feelings that condones
Because you could never stay that consistent
You took my empty heart and you pissed in it
Now it's full and warm, but not how I intended
The case closed and this ended
You always swore we'd never be this pretentious
Now I'm sore and my fence is
Built around the standards you left me with
Your guilt is nothing more than your emptiness
And this vacancy can't be paid with rent, it's just
Too much to tell you at once in these sentences
And the premise is you're off my premises
Cannot place any more emphasis, end of discussion
Yet I'm pushing and hustling
Always this sense of me rushing to let it go
Pride sits on my tongue like a pill I can't swallow
Head is filled with empty sorrow
Our plans for Halloween would've been tomorrow
But I'm just sitting in my car alone
Writing a verse that won't change a thing
I expected the worst when you came to me
I never would've known who you'd come to be
Or that it would be you that contained disease
Hit like a train wreck, feels so surreal
Now I need pain meds, who even knew I could feel
I'm terrified to face what is real
Cause everything lost its appeal
And my coping quit working
Addiction feels like I just quit it cold turkey
All none of your worries, your passion stopped burning
The times are reverting, even if it's hurting you
No one can supply me my fix
You came in my life and you changed my perspective
Time invested, what a waste
I hate that I miss how you taste
Complaining we're fading, contemplating our fate
Waiting, creating the tension that I hate
Containing the urge to constrict all my feelings
And let them die with all the words you're concealing
I'm writing these words, and I could release them
You wouldn't care if I died and you seen them
You wouldn't feel guilt, if you could conceive it
No reconciliation even in discrete
Wouldn't feel incomplete
You'd eventually find someone else in the streets
I cannot sleep, fairly common of me
But nobody's kept me from sobbing through bed sheets
You always say you need your time alone
I'm scared to call so I hang up on the dial tone
Quit fronting like your heart is made of styrofoam
You may be gone, but this will always be your home

[Outro]
And you're leaving home
You don't even know where you are
And you're leaving home
You don't know how far you're going