Until Now
by Christine Lavin
on Compass (1991)
"Yes, I know I drink too much", he says
"But it's under control
I've never picked a fight with a stranger
I've had no accidents on the road
It doesn't interfere with my work
It eases the strain
I make more money than I ever did
No one has ever complained"
Until Now
And I wonder just what your motivation is
Until Now
I never thought of you as one who'd meddle in my business
He is not my boyfriend
He's not related to me
I have known him for a long, long time
I'm worried by what I see
There's a nervous edginess that
Only drinking smoothies
When I question him about this, he says
"What are you tryin' to prove?"
Until Now
I have thought of you as the non-judgmental type
Now I see you've been reading too many magazines
Believing all that self-help hype
He's the life of the party
He's everybody's pal
He used to act like he liked me
Until Now
Now we're waiting for the axe to fall
The phone call that shatters the night
Or maybe he will surprise us all
Wake up one day and see the light
So I'm standing in the shadows
With open eyes and closed mouth
Knowing every day that passes
He's farther away from drying out
Until Now
I was able to look the other way
Until Now
I could pretend that what I thought didn't matter anyway
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