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Everyone Hates His Parents

by 2016 Broadway Cast of Falsettos

MENDEL
Jason
I am agitato grande
Jason, I am muy disgutante
And muy disappointe
And muy nauseatus
And mimitzarayim
Hotzianu
Dayenu

Everyone hates his parents
Don't be ashamed
You'll grow up
You'll come through
You'll have kids
And they'll hate you too
Oh, everyone hates his parents
But, I confess
You grow up
You get old
You hate less

JASON
But I don't want it
Nothing that gives them pleasure I'll do
I don't want a bar mitzvah
Stupid bar mitzvah
Any bar mitzvah
Would you?

MENDEL
Everyone hates his parents
That's in the Torah
It's what history shows
In fact, God said to Moses:
"Moses, everyone hates his parents
That's how it is!"
And God knew
Because God hated His

MARVIN
You are gonna kill your mother
Don't feel guilty, kill your mother
Rather than humiliate her
Killing your mother
Is the merciful thing to do

TRINA
Jason, darling, don't get nervous
I'm right here, and at your service
Look, I'm calm and self-deluded
Grateful, 'cause I hope
You'll do what I pray you'll do

MARVIN
Go ahead and kill your mother

TRINA
Not with guns, but kill your mother

MARVIN
Rather than humiliate her

TRINA AND MARVIN
Killing your mother
Is the merciful thing to do

MENDEL (spoken)
Oh my god

(sung)
Everyone hates his parents
Now, I see why!
But in time
They'll cool out
And you'll think
They were only fooling
It's a strange thing about parents
Push turns to shove
What was hate
Becomes more or less love

MARVIN AND TRINA
Jason, please see a psychiatrist

MENDEL
I'm a psychiatrist. Get lost!

Everyone hates his parents
This too shall pass
You'll grow up

JASON
I'll come through
I'll have kids

MENDEL
And they'll hate you too

MENDEL AND JASON
Oh, Everyone hates his parents

MENDEL
But kid I guess
You'll grow up

JASON
I'll grow up

MENDEL
You'll get old

JASON
I'll get old

MENDEL AND JASON
And hate less

JASON (spoken)
Flip me!

MENDEL
You got it!

JASON
Whoo!

MENDEL AND JASON
And hate less