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I read the news today, oh boy About a lucky man who made the grade And though the news was rather sad Well, I just had to laugh I…

…and had a smoke And somebody spoke and I went into a dream Ah, ah ah ah Ah ah ah, ah ah ah Ah Ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah I read the news today, oh boy Four…

…[Intro} Sugarplum fairy, sugarplum fairy [Verse 1] I read the news today, oh boy About a lucky man who made the grade And though the news…

…] Ahhhhaaaaahhhhaaaahhhhhhahhhhhhhh [Verse 2] I read the news today, oh boy 4,000 holes in Blackburn, Lancashire And though the holes were rather…

Take 2! John: 1, 2, 3, 4.... [Verse 1: John Lennon] I read the news today, oh boy About a lucky man who made the grade And though the news…

But I just had to look Having read the book I'd love to turn you on [Instrumental] [Verse 3: John Lennon] I read the news today…

Creme tangerine, Montelimar A ginger sling with a pineapple heart Coffee dessert, yes, you know it's good news But you'll have…

…and Montelimar A ginger sling with a pineapple heart Coffee dessert, yes, you know it's good news (whoo) But you'll have to have them all…

And my soul keeps a-singing the blues Roll over, Beethoven And tell Tchaikovsky the news I got a rockin' pneumonia I need…

And tell Tchaikovsky the news You know she winks like a glow worm Dance like a spinnin' top She's got a crazy partner Oughta see him…

…know. You know those old pianos John: Okay we're on. Mouth John: Sugarplum fairy, sugarplum fairy [Verse 1: John Lennon] I read the news…

…today, oh boy About a lucky man who made the grade And though the news was rather sad Well I just had to laugh I saw…

…nineteen, twenty [Verse 3: Instrumental] [Verse 4: John Lennon] I read the news today, oh boy Four-thousand holes…

…a dose of her in jackboots and kilt She's killer-diller when she's dressed to the hilt (aah-aah-aah) She's the kind of a girl (aaah) That makes the News…

…gonna crucify me Drove from Paris to the Amsterdam Hilton Talking in our beds for a week The news people said, "Say what you…

I read the news today oh boy About a lucky man who made the grade And though the news was rather sad Well I just had to laugh I…

And my soul keeps singing the blues Roll over Beethoven And tell Tchaikovsky the news I got a rockin' pneumonia I need…

And tell Tchaikovsky the news You know she winks like a glow worm Dance like a spinnin' top She got a crazy partner Oughta see 'em reel…

Creme tangerine and Montelimar A ginger sling with a pineapple heart A coffee dessert, yes, you know it's good news But you have…

…and Montelimar A ginger sling with a pineapple heart A coffee dessert, yes, you know it's good news But you'll have to have them all pulled out After…

If you don't want Ringo's peaches, honey Please don't mess around my tree I got news for you baby Leave me here in misery Well, I…

…of the fucking rain [Paul Mc Cartney] Man, didn't you read the fucking news? It said it was raining, damn it, you fucking idiot (Ah…

…don't shake my tree If you don't want ... honey, please don't ... my tree I got news for you baby, leave me here in misery Well…

He had plastic bags wrapped round his shoes He was covered with the evening news He had a pair of ol' wool socks on his hands…